Parental alienation is frequently triggered by a unilateral decision to end the marriage. The instigator manipulates one or more children of the marriage to ostracise the other parent. Generally there are four significant benefits for the instigator. It punishes. It fosters bonding and loyalty. It provides emotional support. Above all the united front provides justification to the outside world for ending the marriage. Emotional devastation and psychological trauma are the long term consequences.
Extracts from debate on Parental Alienation – Simon Danczuk (Rochdale) (Ind)
House of Commons Hansard, 15 March 2017 – Volume 623
Parental alienation is another form of child abuse that has gone both unreported and under-discussed. Such abuse is not properly recognised by the United Kingdom Government. While Westminster remains silent on the issue, parents and children suffer. The Government and the courts need to recognise parental alienation as a form of emotional abuse, and as such they need to step up efforts to prevent it and, in some circumstances, punish perpetrators.
Sadly, parental alienation is rarely talked about in Parliament. I do not believe there has previously been a debate on it in this place, and only eight questions have been asked about it since I entered the House in 2010. I hope to use this debate to raise awareness and start a discussion about parental alienation.
I attest that I come to this topic not as an expert in the subject but as someone with experience of parental alienation. My mother could be accused of such a thing. When my parents separated when I was five, my mother portrayed my father, perhaps on occasion faithfully, in a very poor light. By contrast, my father would refuse to say anything bad about my mother.
I have some experience that I think is worth sharing but, for those who do not have first-hand experience of parental alienation, I will explain what is meant by the term. Parental alienation is the deliberate manipulation of a child by one parent against the other parent. Often it occurs after a couple have separated. According to the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, parental alienation is responsible for some 80% of the most difficult cases that come before the family courts. CAFCASS also estimates that 5% of children involved in divorce or separation will experience some level of parental alienation. However, that figure seems incredibly low for what I believe to be a more widespread problem.
Despite those shocking statistics, the United Kingdom lags behind many other countries across the world in addressing the issue. Parental alienation is not recognised in the lower courts and, although the higher courts acknowledge that parental alienation occurs, many family rights campaigners feel the courts do nothing about it. Although there have been small steps in the right direction, progress in the UK has been far too slow.
I am sure we would all agree that it is not normal for a child, in a short space of time, to go from loving a parent to seeing them as an object of hate. As Dr Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who has written extensively on parental alienation, has said:
“Children do not typically reject a parent, even a relatively bad one, unless they have been manipulated to do so.”
Manipulation can take various forms, and some acts may even be unconscious. In more destructive cases, the manipulation takes a very nasty form. The manipulator can poison the child’s mind with biased accounts of why the marriage failed or the unpleasant details of the divorce settlement.
For the target parent the sense of loss and pain can be unimaginable. For the children, who are innocent bystanders, the effects in the present and the long term can only be negative. Indeed, it is likely that a child who is manipulated against one of their parents will engage in such practices when they grow up and have children of their own.
Parental Alienation in Older Children
by Joan Kloth-Zanard, Life Coach and Counsellor
Don’t believe what they say: that Parental Alienation cannot happen to older children, that it’s just an oxymoron.
[Parental Alienation Syndrome] PAS is often described as a cult form of control over others. In this respect, we can say that the perpetrator or alienator brainwashes and programs the innocent victims to hate their other parent/family members. In much the way as the leaders of cults, like Jonestown, these perpetrators are able to take a person and convert him or her into the alienator’s way of thinking and to renounce all ties with the victim’s families and friends. If a cult leader can do this to total strangers who have no familial ties to them, then it is safe to say that it would be that much easier for a parent to do this to his or her children, no matter what age they are.
Parents and family have a much stronger bind or hold upon children. In fact, a child, no matter what age, would be more likely to listen to and believe his or her parent than a total stranger. Therefore, any judge, counsellor, agency or attorney claiming that an older child could not be alienated from his or her other parent, is actually stating that cults, like the Branch Davidians, could not possibly happen. In these non-believers’ minds, only children can be brainwashed and programmed. This defies logic, as it is a proven fact that cults do brainwash people and program them, and most of these cult followers are adults. In other words, if a total stranger can turn a person against his or her family, then a parent can do it even more easily, no matter the age of the child.
PAS does not differentiate age. PAS does not prejudice only the very young. PAS is real and can affect anyone of any age and gender. It is ageless, genderless and most of all, the most painful form of psychological abuse a guardian can inflict on another human being. Until the judges, counsellors, agencies and attorneys accept the fact that PAS has no preferences and can occur to anyone at any time in his or her life, this form of Domestic Violence will continue to grow and destroy families.www.KlothConsulting.com